The town was thick with mice and rats
(they having whipped the local cats),
But now that it was theirs, they sat
And wondered what to do, now that
Their word was law—and so a ruction
Arose—some all for mass destruction
(so total was their verminous hate
Of what they vaguely thought “the state”,
They’d put the thing to total slaughter,
Discarding baby and bath water),
But some were not so very rash
(or, prompted by dim dreams of cash),
And so they sat until the sun
Had almost set—and then someone
Appeared and shouted, “Look! It’s me!
I’m yuge and bigly! There can’t be
A better leader in a jam
Than me—‘cause that’s just who I am!”
He was surprising: squinty eyes,
Skin color like day-old French fries,
a puckered mouth just like a bung,
a tie which looked more like a tongue,
and, over all—who wouldn’t stare?–
there was a strange cow-pie of hair
whose color shifted—sometimes white
but sometimes blonde—but never quite
the color of a natural head—
more Grecian Formula, instead.
“And I have here the perfect thing
To lead with—it goes tootling
And you will dance and follow me
And we will win—as you will see!”
He then produced a kind of pipe
And gave a tweet, which, like a swipe,
Produced a change—another app,
And rats awoke, as from a nap,
And mice stood up, and stretched each limb
And, as he played, they rushed to him!
But, though it seemed just tunes he shrilled,
They heard such words that they were thrilled—
“You’re not forgotten, trust me, folks!
This little tune is one which cloaks
My message: wouldn’t it be nice
If we made rules that rats and mice
Would think for them and which would fix
This sagging city and would nix
The rights of cats—now this is clever!
And exile them from here forever?”
They loved the words, they loved the song,
And, following, they sang along
And, dancing, made their long tails quiver
As down he led them to the river
And then, all, with a single bound
Leaped in and, just like that, were drowned
In gangs and hordes and mobs and troops
And all the piper said was, “Ooops!
How horrible! Did I intend
To do them in? I was their friend!”
Then shrugged. “Dead are they? No—I’ll choose
To label all of this FAKE NEWS!
It never happened. It’s a lie!
I am a real trustworthy guy!
So let the media throw their rocks
At me so long as my friend, Fox,
And Breitbart, too, fend off attack
And Steve and K.A. have my back.
Besides, when all is said and done,
They were just rats—and I had fun.”