“The ship is leaking!” tweeted trump.
“All hands! Full speed! Come aft!
We have to plug those leaks right now
Or else we’ll lose the craft!”
“Aye, captain trump,” the First Mate typed.
“We’ll come—and in a hurry,
But, pardon me for mentioning this—
We have a bigger worry!
If you look forward you will see
A sight that’s so alarming
It almost makes me think I might
Believe in global warming!”
“It’s leaks! Unfair! It’s just so SAD!”
The captain, fingers drumming,
Worked feverishly upon the keys.
“Sir, that’s an iceberg coming!”
The First Mate stood on deck and stared,
His placid features manic.
“Put down that phone—quick! Turn the wheel!
Remember the Titanic!”
“There is no iceberg—that’s a rock
Which happens to be floating.
So, quiet please, I’m texting now
About illegal voting!”
The First Mate’s eyes went wide with fear
While captain trump kept speaking
About sore-loser lowlife types
Who lurked behind the leaking.
“She’s jealous that I won,” he typed ,
“that crooked Hillary,
So now she says I am the slave
Of the Russian FSB!
She can’t take losing, so she’s caused
All this—this mess today.
She’s hand-in-glove with terrorists
And, of course, the CIA.”
The First Mate tried to take the wheel.
“To starboard! Or to port!
If we don’t move, this reign of ours
Is going to be short!”
“Besides,” typed trump, “an iceberg?
If it is, that isn’t bad!
Think where it’s from—that means that it’s
A gift from my bro, Vlad.
But leaks! There’s leaks! It’s time, First Mate,
To do all that you can—
All leaks like this should be called out
But, as he turned back to his phone,
The First Mate gave a push
And trump went quickly overboard
With one gigantic SPLUSH!
“Man overboard,” the First Mate said
In his thoughtful undertone.
“It’s up to me to save the ship.
It’s me, and me, alone.”
He spun the wheel, the ship went port.
And after some suspense,
It passed the iceberg and the crew
Cried, “Thank you, captain pence!”