“Press got me down. I’m in a slump,”
Thought ever-wakeful donald trump.
His iPhone said it was, “Four-thirty.
Think I’ll message Rod Duterte.
He’s halfway round the globe: I’ll guess
That he’s awake. It’s such a mess
That time should have a separate border—
For each new hour– I’ll make an order
To say from now on time will stand
And only move at my command—
Like that old king who ruled the tides,
I notice, and the Brits, besides.
‘So many times, Rod,’ he began,
‘I’d start to write, but then my plan
Was changed—I’d need to douse the fires
Set by those endless media liars—
That First Amendment? epic fail!
I hit the truth right on the nail—
The facts are clear—the entire nation
Was there at my inauguration—
Three hundred million, no buts or maybes,
(including, yuk! A lot of babies–
I’d gladly miss them–
Thank god there was no need to kiss them!)
And banning Muslims? Yuge success!
Or would be, if the lying press
Would quit with all those made-up stories
About the airports—I’ve got worries
Enough—there’s crime on every street
From Mexicans—and Arnold’s tweet
Deserves one back—I won’t be hasty,
But I’ll come up with one so nasty
I’ll be that bastard’s terminator.
But have to save that treat for later.
Meantime, I wanted just to say,
I hope you have a great, great day.
Have you got something in the hopper?
Drop bad guys screaming from your chopper?
Deny some group its civil rights?
Ignore the law, shoot out the lights
Of anyone who has the nerve
To say your duty is to serve
The law—and not that you’re the law?
I want that here—if you just saw
What I could do, without the spying
Media and their endless lying,
I’d be like Vlad and make things go
The way they should. My Russian bro
Has had a few killed, and so what?
We’re just as bad—what’s one black hat
Or two or ten or even twenty?
Our nation every day kills plenty
More than Vlad does– I should know,
‘Cause more than once he told me so.
But gotta run—some so-called judge
–you know the type—refused to budge
On banning Muslims—it’s his fault
If millions die. I tried to halt
The flood of terrorists—the bloody
Tide comes in! So, take care, buddy!
Unlike Obama—what a weeny!
(I’ll bet his hands are really teeny),
I say that you should keep on shootin’
And, soon, you’ll be another Putin.
With love from Don, your US friend,
who wishes he could make an end
of those who take the left position
the way Vlad did his opposition,
Not hampered by the Constitution,
But implement the same solution
And make each one pay for his crimes
Beginning with The New York Times.”