When done with speeches and grandstands
And motorcades and marching bands
D trump was standing at his sink
To scrub his hands till they were pink.
And then a voice beside his head
Spoke up, but, in a whisper, said:
“Just think: all day security
Was tight—as tight as it could be–
And yet that wouldn’t matter much
If, with one filthy human touch
A million, billion microbes spread
Within your body—and you’re dead!
Is there a lesson here for you
And for the whole republic, too,
That you can put upon a list
All Muslims, but one terrorist
Might slip right through the Secret Service–
How can you not be fucking nervous?
So what to do? A tricky question!
But I could make one small suggestion…
It doesn’t take a massive probe
For you, a lifelong germaphobe,
To see at once the way you think
About those germs can form a link
With people who don’t look like you—
Imagine they are microbes, too!
Not wretched, begging refugees,
But carriers of a dread disease.
Just watch as, swarming from the east,
Their guttural language more like beast
Than English tongue, they scuttle in
And take good jobs—then bring their kin
And everywhere the headscarves bloom
And giant mosques and there’s no room
For anybody, who, like you,
Believes that all Americans who
Are real Americans must be white
And Christian and demand the right
To rule—it goes without reflection
To see that Muslims bring infection!
As once Herr Hitler’s ideal German
Conceived the Jewish folk as vermin,
So now you know the same is true
For you–Muslims are vermin, too!
So, right away, a proclamation:
The US, always destination
For all of those who once opposed
Their tyrants, is now firmly closed
Put up yuge signs, write on the sky:
Muslims now need not apply!
But it would be a mortal sin
If we did not take Christians in
And also you must have some feelings
For those with trump-tied business dealings—
It’s obvious that your conclusion’s
To save our allies from exclusion!
So give us your poor, your huddled masses,
As long as they are business classes
And we’ll define those friends as ours
Who stare down from their trump-brand towers.”
“At last there’s one who understands
Why it’s so crucial to scrub hands,”
Trumps says, “And now I see it’s true
That we must scrub the US, too,
And use the law like a drug from Pfizer
As a kind of Muslim-sanitizer
No matter how the liberals howl.
Thanks, Steve—hand me that purple towel?”