Te Deum

“Short back and sides—I like short hair,”

Said Putin in the barber chair.

“You’ve got it,” as he moved the clipper

Replied the barber, “So, Our Skipper,


Why the big grin? Further pain

Inflicted on the east Ukraine?

Have you got some distant hope we’ll

Soon take over Constantinople?”


“Now don’t you tell the Patriarch—

I like to keep him in the dark

That I am not a big believer,

But I’ve just been the main receiver


Of something he might think a blessing.

You know we spent the autumn messing

With Clinton and the DNC?”

“What happened?” “Their democracy


Collapsed—and so that weird-haired lump

Of ego won and soon d trump

Who foolishly admires me

Will occupy the presidency.”


“No! Are you kidding? No more sense

Than let him win? I knew they’re dense,

But that?   Here, with that silly frown,

The bulgy tum, he’d make a clown


In Moscow Circus, or tv—“

“And there, Ivan, the mystery—

How could those Yankees rule the earth

And yet believe that what trump’s worth


Is in his pocket—or his tweets?

I must admit the thought defeats,

But I am grateful, none the less,

And almost think that God might bless


Us when he gave us that buffoon

Who soon will dance to Moscow’s tune—

A man who seems, at most, to be

No more than greed and vanity


Combined in one large swaggering chump.

So thank you, God, for Donald Trump!

Did I say that? I deny it!”

“No fear, Skipper! Pussy Riot


Taught us all we need to know

About the fate of Putin foe.

But you can be an awful tease!

All done. That’s 1400, please?”


“It’s clear to me—and coming clearer,”

Said Putin looking in the mirror,

“The West is weaker than we thought

When they’re so easy to be bought


And also easy to be hacked.”

“What’s next?” “Rebuild the Warsaw Pact,

Prop up Assad, dump Merkel, then,

To ruin France, support Le Pen,


And utilize a cash barrage

To help our buddy, Neil Farage.”

“And then?” “I think we’ll rearrange

All Europe. Thanks. And keep the change.”


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