This is Donny Trump.
I hope this year you’re not a grump
But act as every Santa should
Although…I’ve not been very good.
In fact…I’ve been my very worst
But, every time, they did it first!
I might have used a naughty word
When talking of a girl—some nerd
Recorded it! Now you can see
And hear it all on your tv.
It’s true I said a racist thing
And boasted of my endless bling
And also of my giant hands,
But everybody understands
That I was kidding, really, folks,
But Democrats just don’t get jokes
And never see that all I’ve done
Is clown around and have some fun,
And so I want to emphasize
That almost all is media lies—
They demonized me from the start
(Except for Fox, likewise Breitbart)
So please believe when I insist
I’m not so bad—and here’s my list:
First, send back factories from the East
And seven million jobs, at least,
A health care plan that seems to do
All that we’ll claim we tell it to,
A clever method to disguise
Our tax cuts for the wealthy guys,
Likewise a quick and deadly way
To rid us of the EPA
And all environmental laws—
That’s real important, Santa Claus!
A bullet train with miles of track
So we can ship those millions back
To Mexico—and don’t forget
A really subtle way to vet
Those Syrians—they’re such a mess!
Perhaps a test from ETS?
And there’s lots more of Xmas treats
I’d like to have—I’ll send you tweets—
But one more wish? I’ll keep it short!
A new scalia for the court?
A new wife, too? This one’s a frump!
Your friend, Donny Trump”