“The press?” asked Trump, “is there a reason

To have them here? Election season

Is done—and all they do is lie.

They’re dinosaurs—let’s let them die!”


He peered out through the capitol blind

“Now, really Steve, I’ve made my mind

Up, now I’m boss, they’re out of here.

We only need to make that clear.”


“But, chief, should we be really shedding

Them quite so soon? Ivanka’s wedding

Went off so well—most of the shots

Had you in front—and there are lots


Of times when they’d be really missed.”

“I can’t see that. I am so pissed

At them—the Times should be burned down

And every commentator clown


Who criticizes me thrown in.

I’m president! Now I’ll begin

To show them how I deal with trash

Who hate the way I make my cash


Or that the people—real ones, all,

Bark and come running at my call!

I say we sue them all—each suit

Will cost them all they have—to boot


We’ll see, now that we have the claws,

What can be done for libel laws.

Let’s call up Vlad—he gives them Hell!

And call up Xi Jin-Ping, as well!


But, if we let the press exist,

We’ll make them know our iron fist

Is ready—they will have to hop

When I say, or no photo op.


All news from here—let me repeat—

Will come from me—and in a tweet.

And if they think that they’re too smart

To listen—I’ll appoint Breitbart


As my official agency

For news—and then they’ll have to see

That they are nothing—less by far,

Than even groveling NPR.


A good crowd, though.” He closed the blind.

“What are those words again? I find

Them hard to think of—which one goes where?

‘I swear solemnly’? or ‘I solemnly swear’?”


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