“The press?” asked Trump, “is there a reason
To have them here? Election season
Is done—and all they do is lie.
They’re dinosaurs—let’s let them die!”
He peered out through the capitol blind
“Now, really Steve, I’ve made my mind
Up, now I’m boss, they’re out of here.
We only need to make that clear.”
“But, chief, should we be really shedding
Them quite so soon? Ivanka’s wedding
Went off so well—most of the shots
Had you in front—and there are lots
Of times when they’d be really missed.”
“I can’t see that. I am so pissed
At them—the Times should be burned down
And every commentator clown
Who criticizes me thrown in.
I’m president! Now I’ll begin
To show them how I deal with trash
Who hate the way I make my cash
Or that the people—real ones, all,
Bark and come running at my call!
I say we sue them all—each suit
Will cost them all they have—to boot
We’ll see, now that we have the claws,
What can be done for libel laws.
Let’s call up Vlad—he gives them Hell!
And call up Xi Jin-Ping, as well!
But, if we let the press exist,
We’ll make them know our iron fist
Is ready—they will have to hop
When I say, or no photo op.
All news from here—let me repeat—
Will come from me—and in a tweet.
And if they think that they’re too smart
To listen—I’ll appoint Breitbart
As my official agency
For news—and then they’ll have to see
That they are nothing—less by far,
Than even groveling NPR.
A good crowd, though.” He closed the blind.
“What are those words again? I find
Them hard to think of—which one goes where?
‘I swear solemnly’? or ‘I solemnly swear’?”