“You think I’m making this stuff up?

Well, let me tell you, folks,

We’ve done the research on this one

And this is not a hoax!


I hear about it from all sides,

So here, I think’s, the deal:

It’s not an urban legend, folks—

The Killer Clown is real!


We have reports from everywhere.

There’s, frankly, method here

And we can now trace where it’s from

And where it will appear.


It all began in Washington,

The home of many clowns,

Then spread along the campaign trails

To big, important towns


Where it did town hall meetings

And it shook a lot of hands

And, in between, on long bus tours,

Had many one-night stands.


While passing out those free balloons,

It handled Wall Street calls

And swapped lies with The New York Times

In airport bathroom stalls.


So now if you see it to appear—

It’s coming, I assure you—

Watch out for that free candy

Which it offers just to lure you


To some convenient polling place—

They’re all there in her notes—

Where it will tell you anything

To try to get your votes


But, if it does, just grab its mask

And try to pull it free

And underneath I think you’ll find

The face of Hillary!”


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