Profession of Faith

“I’m a Christian, I think,

And it’s a pure case of liable

To claim that I don’t have–

It’s somewhere–a Bible.

I believe in…it’s…Santa—

Do you think that that’s funny?

And bigly believe

In that world-famous Bunny—

Who, one time, at Easter

Made a sort of ascendance—

At least that’s what I learned

From twice-yearly attendance.

I’m born again, too,

Though still really umbilical—

And believe in the things

Which a good evangelical

Clings to, like, you know,

There’s the Bible—I think that’s enough

For me, it’s got words

And there’s all sorts of stuff—

There’s loving your brother:

I believe that, that’s right,

So long as he’s rich

And as long as he’s white,

And there’s God’s helping those

Who help themselves, too,

And God knows I help myself,

Whatever I do.

So I’m Presbyterian,

That’s what I mean,

And so I would say, folks,

And it’s clearly seen

That it’s working for me.

Christianity’s fine—

So long as it clicks

With my bottom line.”

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