Such A Card

The teleprompter blinked at Trump,

But he just turned his head

And spoke, as often, off the cuff,

And this is what he said:


“I think that this election’s fixed,

And you won’t get to choose,

So, folks, it’s time to plan ahead

Before we’re going to lose.


It’s all about your liberty,

Which means no time to trifle.

We want you all to go on-line

And buy yourself a rifle—


Not guns for hunting deer—oh no—

Such things are out of date.

You want an automatic arm

To hunt a candidate.


Only kidding—all in fun—

We’re not threatening anyone,

But that damned Huffpost distorts

All my words in their reports,

Molding truth as if it’s made from Chinese plastic.

All the media, dumb as hell,

Lack the smarts to ever tell

I’m not menacing, just heavily sarcastic!


They want to take away your guns

And Hillary concurs.

In fact it she weren’t such a liar,

She’d say the thought was hers.


So, when they win—we know they will–

We’ll march on Washington

And use your—votes—to change the way

That things down there are run.


I’ve heard some say they are so bad

It’s force’ll get change done

And, honestly, folks, I have to say

That freedom must be won


At any price and if that means

That someone has to pay,

You know yourselves who someone is—

I won’t stand in your way.


But I’m joking—having fun,

So don’t panic, everyone,

When the media I despise

Goes on-line to spread its lies

To suggest that I am planning something drastic.

They are just too thick to get

That I’m fooling: you can bet

That, like always, they will miss that I’m sarcastic.


And you can see that only one

Can fix this mess—that’s me.

And if, to do the cleanup,

We must bend democracy,


It’s just so, in the future, things

Will all be better run

And fairer, too, and best of all,

You all can keep your gun.


And, as for me, I’ll be the best

In office, like those guys

You see on stage in Hamilton

But better—since I’m wise


And balanced, smart, and funny, too,

And richer and I’m right

In everything I say and do

And, best of all, I’m white.


And I’m joking—one more time—

You folks know so well that I’m

Making fun of Hillary

And the lies she says of me

And the media, all so enthusiastic

To make me look fascistic

And a borderline narcissistic

When I’m just a guy who’s prone to be sarcastic.”


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