The teleprompter blinked at Trump,
But he just turned his head
And spoke, as often, off the cuff,
And this is what he said:
“I think that this election’s fixed,
And you won’t get to choose,
So, folks, it’s time to plan ahead
Before we’re going to lose.
It’s all about your liberty,
Which means no time to trifle.
We want you all to go on-line
And buy yourself a rifle—
Not guns for hunting deer—oh no—
Such things are out of date.
You want an automatic arm
To hunt a candidate.
Only kidding—all in fun—
We’re not threatening anyone,
But that damned Huffpost distorts
All my words in their reports,
Molding truth as if it’s made from Chinese plastic.
All the media, dumb as hell,
Lack the smarts to ever tell
I’m not menacing, just heavily sarcastic!
They want to take away your guns
And Hillary concurs.
In fact it she weren’t such a liar,
She’d say the thought was hers.
So, when they win—we know they will–
We’ll march on Washington
And use your—votes—to change the way
That things down there are run.
I’ve heard some say they are so bad
It’s force’ll get change done
And, honestly, folks, I have to say
That freedom must be won
At any price and if that means
That someone has to pay,
You know yourselves who someone is—
I won’t stand in your way.
But I’m joking—having fun,
So don’t panic, everyone,
When the media I despise
Goes on-line to spread its lies
To suggest that I am planning something drastic.
They are just too thick to get
That I’m fooling: you can bet
That, like always, they will miss that I’m sarcastic.
And you can see that only one
Can fix this mess—that’s me.
And if, to do the cleanup,
We must bend democracy,
It’s just so, in the future, things
Will all be better run
And fairer, too, and best of all,
You all can keep your gun.
And, as for me, I’ll be the best
In office, like those guys
You see on stage in Hamilton
But better—since I’m wise
And balanced, smart, and funny, too,
And richer and I’m right
In everything I say and do
And, best of all, I’m white.
And I’m joking—one more time—
You folks know so well that I’m
Making fun of Hillary
And the lies she says of me
And the media, all so enthusiastic
To make me look fascistic
And a borderline narcissistic
When I’m just a guy who’s prone to be sarcastic.”