Shhhh!

The lying media always says

That among my major vices

Is a lack of any strategy

To deal with future crises.

That only goes to show that they,

As always, underrate me,

And, frankly, we know why that is:

Except Breitbart, they hate me!

 

But

 

I have a secret,

A very secret plan!

It’s the best, the best, the really best plan

That anyone ever planned!

I’d show it to you, but I know

You wouldn’t understand,

But, honestly, folks—

No time for jokes—

It’s a wonderful secret plan!

 

It’s comprehensive, so it’s made

From seven different lists,

And classified, but I can say

There’s stuff on terrorists.

There’s stuff that I say all the time,

And some not heard before

Like how I feel about neutering pets

And on thermonuclear war,

 

There’s stuff about the economy,

And stuff about the poor,

And stuff about free speech in church—

Did I mention nuclear war?

There’s infrastructure stuff, I think,

And, really, best of all,

The only thing I can focus on:

My two thousand miles of wall.

 

I have a plan,

A really secret plan!

It’s the best, the best, the really best plan

That ever has been planned.

It’s secret now but someday soon

It’ll be there on demand.

But with media hate

I’ll make them all wait

For my wonderful secret plan!

 

There’s also stuff on gun control,

On NATO there is stuff,

There’s stuff on Putin—he’s my friend—

I can never say enough

About how very strong he is—

I could write for Wikipedia

About his iron-fisted way

Of dealing with the media.

 

But all this stuff is secret stuff,

So that’s all that I can say,

But know that I will show you it

When Putin says I may.

Meantime, you will just have to wait

And enjoy what patience earns

Until I give it to the press

With my last year’s tax returns.

 

I have a secret,

A brilliant secret plan!

It’s the best, the best, the really best plan

That anyone’s ever planned.

And it will be put into force

The minute I command.

When it comes out

There will be no doubt

It’s a wonderful secret plan!

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