Un Susurro Politico

“Psst! Meester!

How would you like a dirty campaign,

Run by a person who may be insane?”

Asked a voice from an alleyway south of the border,

“or at least with some sort of antisocial disorder?

I’ve come down here where you all do hat dances

In hopes of improving my electoral chances

As someone who’s shut off his fast-dripping spigot

Of racist abuse—it’s that woman’s the bigot!

As I watch all the polls and their much-lying trends,

I’ve come here to visit my Latino friends

And to beg Senor Pena Nieto for pardon

(and maybe persuade him to water my garden

Or at least send a cousin to gangmow my lawn)—

And, really, muchachos, you know I don’t fawn,

But maybe, if you help my election this fall,

I’ll offer to split all the costs of that wall,

And stop the demands which have poured from my mouth

To ship mi amigos in quantity south

And admit it was fantasy—purely escapist—

Which drove me to say every dealer and rapist

You had who was currently not president

was swimming or digging or running, intent–

ay caramba!—to claim a greencardless share

of American jobs and Obamacare.

So now I’m all Mexico—no inbetweener—

And Latins will know I’m a total pro-beaner,

I’m reformed—vote for me! I will never expel you–

No tienes nada que perder, as Tim Kaine would tell you.”

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