My economic program—

You’ll love it! it’s a switch

From earlier right-wing programs:

It doesn’t favor the rich.

No, really! It’s the middle class

Who’ll get the government teat—

And nothing will flow

To those with the dough–

Well, maybe a little bit.


Pity the rich, the suffering rich:

They have such a cross to bear!

They give so much to all of us,

But I won’t favor them—I swear!

It’s just that they are needy,

As fair-minded people find,

So we must help the deserving rich

And I know that you won’t mind!


Those dreadful Cayman Islands

Are miles and miles from here,

But some folks have to go there

So their dollars don’t appear

Upon those wicked tax forms

The government demands—

It’s hard, you know

To stash your dough

In banks in foreign lands!


Pity the rich, think of the rich,

You know we should be fond

Of those who rule our economy

Through kindly stock and bond.

They’re always thinking of you,

As they reel in the kale,

With their real estate developments

And banks too big to fail.


Now Switzerland has glaciers

and mountains which appall,

but rich folks have to go there

to sock away their haul.

If not, the evil IRS

Will ask a big percent—

If you had a stash,

Would you give your cash

To that greedy government?


Pity the rich, the helpful rich,

They’re working night and day

To keep the economy going

And it’s not their fault, they say,

That jobs are scarce and you may live

From mouth to hand to mouth.

The Clintons made up NAFTA

And that’s why your job went south!


So, if I cut their taxes

A teeny little bit

And see that their heirs inherit

Without that “death tax” shit,

Will you really, really blame me

And say I was untrue

To my guarantee

When you vote for me–

Remember, I’m a rich man, too!


Pity us rich, us laboring rich,

We have a hard row to hoe!

We need to suck up every cent

To make the economy grow.

And our trickle-down economy

Will help you—I swear it’s true!

But when you hear that trickle sound,

Don’t look up—‘cause we’re pissing on you!


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