My economic program—
You’ll love it! it’s a switch
From earlier right-wing programs:
It doesn’t favor the rich.
No, really! It’s the middle class
Who’ll get the government teat—
And nothing will flow
To those with the dough–
Well, maybe a little bit.
Pity the rich, the suffering rich:
They have such a cross to bear!
They give so much to all of us,
But I won’t favor them—I swear!
It’s just that they are needy,
As fair-minded people find,
So we must help the deserving rich
And I know that you won’t mind!
Those dreadful Cayman Islands
Are miles and miles from here,
But some folks have to go there
So their dollars don’t appear
Upon those wicked tax forms
The government demands—
It’s hard, you know
To stash your dough
In banks in foreign lands!
Pity the rich, think of the rich,
You know we should be fond
Of those who rule our economy
Through kindly stock and bond.
They’re always thinking of you,
As they reel in the kale,
With their real estate developments
And banks too big to fail.
Now Switzerland has glaciers
and mountains which appall,
but rich folks have to go there
to sock away their haul.
If not, the evil IRS
Will ask a big percent—
If you had a stash,
Would you give your cash
To that greedy government?
Pity the rich, the helpful rich,
They’re working night and day
To keep the economy going
And it’s not their fault, they say,
That jobs are scarce and you may live
From mouth to hand to mouth.
The Clintons made up NAFTA
And that’s why your job went south!
So, if I cut their taxes
A teeny little bit
And see that their heirs inherit
Without that “death tax” shit,
Will you really, really blame me
And say I was untrue
To my guarantee
When you vote for me–
Remember, I’m a rich man, too!
Pity us rich, us laboring rich,
We have a hard row to hoe!
We need to suck up every cent
To make the economy grow.
And our trickle-down economy
Will help you—I swear it’s true!
But when you hear that trickle sound,
Don’t look up—‘cause we’re pissing on you!