Coming Attractions

The media

(Boo! So corrupt!)

Spent endless hours

To disrupt

Our careful plans

And turn to lies

Whatever good things

We devise.


But now we’ve come up

With a scheme

So clever it’ll

Make them scream—

When they try on

Their media trip,

We’ll simply smile

And tell them zip.


And it goes like this:


“What’s your fiscal policy?”

To be announced.

“Or your terrorist strategy?”

I have a plan.



“Wage stagnation?”

Coming soon.

“Tax returns will soon be here?”

When they’re out, you’re first to hear!

We have facts and figures, though,

And sometime we will let you know.

So be patient till we say—

Maybe by election day.


This is just foolproof—

So no snark!

We’ll keep them daily

In the dark.

By saying nothing

They won’t find

A scrap of what

We have in mind.


Disgusting media,

Had its chance:

Piper’s here–

Pay for your dance!

It is sad,

But really, folks,

They mistook

Our simplest jokes


And made Hillary

The boss—

Too bad, so sad!

It’s now their loss.

Now they’ll learn

As you will see

What happens when

You fuck with me!


And we say:


“Nato? Have you got a plan?”


“What about nukes and Iran?”

Can’t say.

“Putin’s seizure of Ukraine?”


“Lots of clouds—think it will rain?”

People talk.

“Those tax returns—any sign?”


“China and the Nine-Dash Line?”

I’ve heard.

Now you see how it will be,

They’ll starve without some news from me

And soon, deprived of things to lie,

The Times and all its friends will die!


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