Montezuma’s Revenge

“Well, well,” said Quetzalcoatl,

What have we here?

Huitzilopochtli, I think

Our time’s near

To repay the gringos

Who first came from Spain,

But then from the north

To wreak havoc again.


They have this guy, Trump,

Who is filling the pews

With gullible people

Who think that his views

Are truthful, but, Huitzilopochtli, surprise!

They’re just one long series

Of unfounded lies.”


“Gringos!” said Huitzilopochtli,

Scanning each text,

“Rapists? Drug dealers?

What will he say next?”

“Exactly,” said Quetzalcoatl,

“This guy’s lacking a hinge

And that, fellow god,

Is how we get revenge.”


“I don’t follow,” Huitzilopochtli

Said. “Just keep on reading—

He says, besides drugs,

Our people are breeding

Disease as they sneak in

From lands to the south—

But he’s caught the worst kind:

It’s called hoof-in-the-mouth.


The victim says things

Without thinking first—

Bad enough, but here’s

Something to turn worse to worst:

They’ll say something bad

Without looking ahead,

But then, in a moment,

forget what they said.


You see how the sickness

Took hold of this guy:

He said something racist

Then scrambled to lie.

He said something sexist,

Didn’t know how provoking,

Then threatened an opponent,

Had to say he was joking.


He never shuts up,

So his lies never flag

And behind him,

His party’s left holding the bag.

That he goads on the violent

Is not his concern,

Or drives off the decent,

Who don’t know where to turn.


If ever we suffered

From the constant profusion

Of crimes from the north,

Imagine confusion

This Trump hombre sows—

He opens his yap

And there’s instant disaster

All over the map.


“I get it, now” Huitzilopochtli

Said, “Bro–

“He’s his party’s worst enemy,

But won’t ever know.

He’s sick and he spreads it—it’s

Neat, and it’s scary—

D Trump’s the Republican camp’s

Typhoid Mary.”


“You got it in one—

While he’s on a binge

Of lies and explaining,

We get our revenge.”

“But suppose it turned south?

Don’t you worry at all?”

“No problem with that:

We are building a wall.”


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