“The Nine-Dash Line is Chinese fate,

It’s written in our stars.

For centuries we’ve known

That the South China Sea is ours.

So what if we dredge up that sea

To make some hasty dry lands?

If they’re within our boundaries,

They’re still our prefab islands!


USA, mind your own business!

You’re greedy and so racist, too!

You’ve got some nerve with your empire,

Telling the PRC what to do!


Then there’s Tibet, our ancient land,

Whose ownership you attack:

We didn’t invade, as you would claim—

We simply took it back.

And if we ban their feudal speech

And culture, where’s the threat?

They’re all—or soon will be—Chinese

By historical re-set.


USA, mind your own business!

You’d better look before you jump!

Your hands are dirty—that’s the truth

From your next president, Donald Trump.”


In fact, when Trump is president,

Security will grow.

He may denounce us as trade cheats,

But all of us here know

That much of what he sells is made

Inside the PRC:

Those ties and suits and Ivanka’s things

Help our economy.


USA, mind your own business!

You have no right to gloat!

Let’s send Don Hillary’s e-mails—

They’re almost as good as a Florida vote.”


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