Stealing Trash

My wife is so unbiased, as unbiased as can be.

There’s no one else on earth who’s less unprejudiced than she,

So when she says how great I am, you know it must be true,

And at the same time know that I’m more wonderful than you.


So, if her words sound like they came from someone else’s speech,

Because she’s praising me, that means that she has had to reach

Beyond the ordinary to convey the meaning meant,

Including Shakespeare and some phrases from her Testament


And everything A. Lincoln wrote, and, adding to the fun,

Throw in the notes and diaries of Thomas Jefferson,

Plus anecdotes from Henry James and details from Mark Twain

And stuff from Marcel Proust, who wrote The Cities of the Plain,


Along with lines we’ve lifted from Longfellow and A. Guest,

As well as things from Sophocles we thought would stand the test,

But, still, it’s almost all by her—Chris Christie says it’s so,

And therefore it’s those Democrats who want to make a show


Of what is nothing more than common words—so what the hell

Is all the fuss for if there are a few things from Michelle?

If Hillary can say, to make a child, it takes a village,

To sketch my whole magnificence, it’s true you have to pillage





The whole of written lit, with help from dozens of librarians,

To borrow what we need beginning with the first Sumerians,

To things created yesterday—and look! here’s quite a gift:

It’s Kanye West and what he has to say to Taylor Swift.


So, Democrats, shut up! It’s all original—it’s hers

And if some looks like something else, your liberal bias errs

In thinking that it’s really yours—you’re just a bunch of weepers—

When I need something, then it’s mine: the rule is “Finders, keepers!”



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