Amour Propre

You’re nothing and you know it

When you match yourself with me—

Big hair, big mouth, big hands—

Not to mention bigotry.

I build big buildings,

Eat big steaks,

And have big hissy fits,

And when it comes to women,

I prefer colossal tits.

 

Mine is bigger than yours,

Mine is bigger than yours!

Whatever you’ve got

Is not worth snot

And it’s covered in syphilis sores—

Mine is bigger than yours!

 

I want to build a big, big wall

Between us and those papists

Who sneak in here from places south,

All Mexicans and rapists!

I’ll keep out creeps in turbans, too—

They add to the hysteria

That saps our country of its strength—

And maybe then nuke Syria.

 

Mine is bigger than yours,

Mine is bigger than yours!

Yours is limp

While mine’s a blimp

That rises—no, it soars!

Mine is bigger than yours!

 

My best friend’s name is Putin, he’s

A man who doesn’t coddle

Those who might just disagree with him.

He kills them—what a model!

He’s also really, really rich,

But hides it with great care.

He says that I’m a genius (but

It’s me who’s got more hair!).

 

Mine is bigger than yours,

Mine is bigger than yours!

Mine still is fun

When yours is done—

Just ask my favorite whores!

Mine is bigger than yours!

 

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