Pick a Number

I used to have opinions.

I used to be so smart.

Then I watched our politicians

And had a change of heart.

Instead of doing research

And thinking on my own,

I only use my thumbs

To access apps on my I-Phone.

 

Focus group,

I’ve a focus group.

I don’t have opinions,

Just a focus group.

You can quiz me on the issues

But can’t throw me for a loop—

You have no bite

When I can cite

A focus group.

 

If you ask me in the morning

Will it shine or will it rain,

This needn’t be a question

Which would ever vex my brain.

I merely skype consultants

Who send out robocalls

And mobs of kids with questionnaires

To all the shopping malls.

 

Focus group,

I’ve a focus group.

No longer need opinions

with a focus group.

Instead of saying something

Which might land me in the soup

And bare my soul—

I simply poll

A focus group.

 

And so like politicians,

My answer twists and bends.

I’ve learned that my salvation

Is that phrase, “Well, it depends.”

No need for firm commitment

On Is it black or is it white?

I’m always in the middle

If I do the surveys right.

 

Focus group,

I’ve a focus group.

No more of Gotcha! questions

With a focus group.

If you think that you can nail me,

You’ll never make that scoop.

It’s an easy ride

Here safe inside

My focus group.

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