Haunted (think calypso)

I’m having hirsute nightmares—

They come and I’m appalled:

An April breeze assaults my head

And whoosh! It’s clear I’m bald!

The sutures strain and then give way,

My hair flap parts like foam

And then Ted Cruz smirks as he sees

My gleaming, egglike dome!

 

Comb over fears,

I’ve got comb over fears!

When I open my mouth

Will my hair all go south

While the Clinton crowd jeers?

Comb over fears,

I’ve got comb over fears!

Don’t know what to do!

Do you think crazy glue

Would keep it pinned to my ears?

 

By daylight, I can slap it down,

Wear hats and lots of gell,

But then it’s midnight and I toss

In classic hairloss hell!

The press is heartless, as you know,

And no one understands

This tragedy of aging men.

(But hey! I’ve got big hands!)

 

Comb over fears,

I’ve got comb over fears!

So I do what I do,

Though it’s pure cockatoo

And it brings me to tears!

Comb over fears,

I’ve got comb over fears!

And it just isn’t fair—

Bernie Sanders has hair

And I’m younger by years!

(So could it be that,

If I turn democrat,

I’ll lose those comb over fears?)

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